You either make it or break it. Who knows what is next.

And so was the last seven days of the year.

25. Mother gave in to ill-health. Weak and helpless she fought hard still.

She squirmed at every bottle of medicine. Her body limped one day at a time as the medicines were taking their toll on her body.

27. I thought…God not yet. I will not lose mother. Not today. Not yet.

Birthdays are likewise death days.

31. Mother is home. We are home.

Barely 2 hr from now…the family will have welcomed the New Year.

Thank you for the gift of mother.

The family looks forward to the day mother will have fully recovered from the gift of illness.

It has been quite a year behind us.

“God bless us everyone.”

“The good and the bad.”

“The happy, the sad.”

Here’s to family and friends…who remain.

To gains and losses.

To life.

Welcome 2012.

Batch: The 22^nd Batch

Country: Philippines

Group: Environmental Conservation

Duration:  1 Feb – 23 Feb 2006

What: Youth Invitation Program, for the promotion of better understanding amongst youths, by the Japan International Cooperation Agency (JICA)

Place: Osaka, Tokyo, Yamaguchi Prefecture in Ube and back to Osaka, Japan

Fondly,

I remember your grace and nobility; even now when the world sees otherwise.

I remember your fortitude; even now when you are weary.

I remember your amity; more so now in the midst of adversity.

I remember you with gratitude; and I want you to know that I grieve with you.

My hands are empty; but I want you to know I am here for you.

Arigatō gozaimasu.

jdp_3/12/2011

I read something from daily prayer online yesterday. It speaks about how forgiveness must be given to the offender N number of times as one compassionate man named “Jesus” would put it.

It felt good to read something like that after a long time of being trapped in a seeming endless struggle of emptiness, loneliness and darkness.

I said to myself never to write on such heavy notes again. But let me indulge just for a little while still.

What began as a simple recall of fond memories of a friend turned sour this afternoon.

What simply was an innocent and heartwarming recollection of days gone by was turned into something ugly by a self-imposed saint – some bighead you have become.

And am back to anger mode and it seems that no amount of silence on my part can appease a friend that I have become friends with the darkness and almost comfortable at it. Which means that I have accepted, despite my being forced into it — just because I have not the vaguest idea as to why and how is it that I deserve such loathing from someone.

It is still a mystery to me even to these days. Such contempt and loathing come as a big surprise coming from a pious person.

I find that really odd and disturbing — such unperturbed, brazen arrogance.

I cannot reconcile still between your piety and indifference.

Between your strict observance of the law and growing antipathy for me.

between your love for God and building a fortress that divides you and the rest of humanity. Or is it just me?

Smile a little…it won’t make you any less the saint you think of yourself.

You don’t have to be pompous all the time.

You call yourself a friend, but turn your back and speak every evil thing about another.

You speak of the bible all too often like it has become food to you, but alas you are no different from the ones you criticize harshly.

or any different from those who might not know the bible.

You cite all the biblical verses you can impress on people but ironically, if they are meant to be a response, I say they are rather off tangent from the reflection points of this page’s two recent posts.

You speak of hypocrisy, but do not see your own.

You say a blessing to this author, but the words are devoid of sincerity.

Your words are empty. Your heart is empty.

You call yourself a friend; but you annihilate the author like you have not known her.

I may not fully know the pilgrim church you are so often despicable about.

It is a gift I cherish. It is a gift I honor in the same way I honor and respect those of others.

While it is good to be logical, perhaps philosophical about others’ faith and conviction, it is surprising you miss using the same to study your own.

While you came up with something lengthy, your annotations are rather incongruous to the basic questions this author’s two recent posts point to.

You charge the points as inappropriate and defensively say you were being attacked or your conviction that is.

Nothing in my annotations in either post was meant to attack. Why do you suggest that? You are frequently the attacker. Stop labeling people for your own sake.

If you were listening with your mind and heart, you would have approached this author’s reflections quite differently.

In a nutshell, my annotations were really meant to simply mirror where people are at. In fact, this author’s reflections simply flow from the heart.

You were reading from the mind. It is one thing to engage in an intellectual ascent;  it is another to leave your God something to inspirit the heart too.

What good are your bible verses; if you use them to appeal and point to the evil of others, but cannot point to your own. How is that for a feel good?

You are very good at piquing on Catholic doctrines; mock and loathe those doctrines as if you know what they stand for; including the ones who embrace the same.

Perhaps, you should consider studying yours first.

Just walk the talk. I believe you will be more convincing that way.

Do not point to this author’s inappropriateness when you cannot even adhere to the basics and essentials.

What about kindness and respect?

You are still missing the point do you?

Do not project your loathe on the author. You might have forgotten the goodness of her heart. But she gave herself in friendship in sheer honesty.

A friendship that destroyed her. In ruins she is learning a very ugly truth.

The truth that she was alone in the friendship.

Believing she found a friend. No, a best friend on the other side of the fence.

It is my fault that I trust.

It is my fault that I was a friend. May not be the best. But a friend who remains despite the betrayal of another.

It is my fault that I believe. I believe in the goodness of the other I consider almost like a sister.

But like a Judas cloak in holiness showed no mercy to this author at a time she believed in her heart she found a John.

You talk biblical; but you are proud.

You talk God; but you exercise prejudice.

You talk love; but your writings are filled with loathe and hatred.

You talk holiness; but your face is one of contempt.

You use this author’s words like mockery and repugnance and twist the truth behind them.

You always see the evil in others; in fact you make that the focus of your convocation.

Something is amiss though.

“But by their fruits you will know them.”

If your faith and convictions are simply an act of the mind,

something is amiss.

If your faith and convictions simply bring the logical, philosophical and the critical,

something is amiss.

If your faith and convictions are simply a matter of what to wear, what to eat, what to say, and a whole lot of what to,

something is amiss.

Like I said, do not insult your God with so many trappings and specious arguments you are so well trained to do.

You speak of glory attached to hairs and almost covering the entire body.

But are no different from others who commit evil in the dark. or even worst.

Why are you so focused on the outside? It is superficial. In fact it can be packaged beautifully to appear spotless. “There are wolves dressed in sheep’s clothing” (from Weeds today. Wheat tomorrow)

Do not insult yourself anymore. Do not shame others by hiding behind their faults and forget your own rot or unmindful that your fate could have been worst or could be worst.

God works in each one.

If you fail to recognize that,

something really is amiss.

jdp_of pride_of prejudice_of love_revisid_22310

“But by their fruits you will know them.”

I am saddened by your utter repugnance at practically anything and or anybody falling short of your moral standards.

Yes. There are some erring priests. But there are erring ministers or pastors too. Can anybody claim to have lived such an impeccable life?

What about the good priests that also abound? What about honest ministers and faithful pastors?

We easily put them on the sidelines because of some who have fallen.

These are the weeds among the wheat. And understandably we are angered by our fallen pilgrims.

We are pilgrims too.

Have you not been a weed yourself? Have you not been the wheat at times?

Weed today. Wheat tomorrow. Who knows?

We do not like weeds. They compete with the wheat for nutrients. “There are times though that they have to grow together until harvest time (Weeds among the wheat).”

Even in a person’s heart weeds and wheat grow together too.

Many times it is scary because we see more of the weed growing in the person than we would the wheat.

There is no telling the struggles of the heart.

God works in each one. If we think we are perfect, then what room is there for a God to work on growing the wheat more and eventually weeding out the undesirables?

God is generous. Does it take so much of your holiness if you were to treat others in a generous way?

Weeds are persistent. Uproot them today; they grow back as quickly as you weed them out.

So are our individual faults. So are other people’s faults.

Yes. We dress differently. From pants to skirts to whole dresses. We wear shorts too. They come handy when we go to the beach.

Our hairs vary in length. Some have long, short, others are more eccentric.

Some of us wear make-up; with some doing it overly. There are those that wear jewelries and accessorize whenever they can.

Still there are those who choose to be simple and go unnoticed.

But you see I met some real good people from those I just described. By good I refer to their heart.

Tell me; does having a good heart the same as or tantamount to or dependent on some dress code?

Why are we so focused on the outside? It is superficial. In fact it can be packaged beautifully to appear spotless. “There are wolves dressed in sheep’s clothing”

Be gentle. Do not judge others because of what they wear.

Your choice of dress code is respected. Would it make you any less holy if others dressed otherwise?

When was the last time you really looked at somebody without prejudice?

Or perhaps, even for a few seconds postpone your judgment about a certain issue, a certain person, a certain thing.

When was the last time you smiled?

When was the last time you had a good laugh?

Go for the essentials.

If people wear differently, honor them anyway, love them anyway…we are under the same sky.

If people do not share your conviction, esteem them just as you would yourself anyway. God is working in those people too.

“Love your neighbor as you love yourself.”

Yes. “Love your God with all your heart, mind and soul.”

But do not stop there.

It should permeate in the way you treat people; more importantly.

Our individual challenge is to translate those convictions in every fiber of our being.

God is generous. Do not insult your God by self-aggrandizing holiness as solely yours.

“But by their fruits you will know them.”

jdp_of pride of prejudice of love_part2_a personal reflection_4910

You judge people like you do not know sin.

Practice what you preach and shut up!

You make enemies out of friends just because you think too highly of yourselves.

Mockery after mockery, you look at others with loathe like you have never come face to face with your own rot. “We are judged by the same measure we judge others by”

You lay claim to be children of God and yet your countenance is one of contempt rather than compassion.

Condemnation after condemnation, you nullify others with no remorse; forgetful of the times you shared their lot or unmindful that one day your fate could be worst.

You barrage your conversation with beautiful verses and passages, like some savant of the bible, clothing yourselves with an aura of a holier than thou presence, but go amiss on basic and essential things…

to be loving.

to be forgiving. to be compassionate

to recognize the saint and the sinner  as the same person in the other, always struggling, wavering from one end to the other.

if not for grace, your piety, religiosity, even your asceticism become in vain…”by their fruits you will know them”. “I desire mercy…not sacrifice”

What about building the other as opposed to destroying the other?

What good is there in generosity when it is exclusive? When it feeds on elitism?

What good is there in faith, in conviction, when you use it to esteem those whose roof, or belief system you share and do not see others in the eye just because they believe otherwise.

Once there was a man who spoke to a Samaritan woman, when no one else would…because she was different.

What about the adulterous woman who later turned saint because of that same man…all he had to say to those who tried to stone her was…”let those among you who have not known sin cast the first stone” and one by one they all left.

the same man who ate with tax collectors, whose lives were changed because he offered love, instead of disgust…”come follow me and I shall make you fishers of man”

And how does one become a fisher of man? In countless ways during his public ministry, he showed the way, the truth and the life…he is the way, the truth and the life.

The way is through love, “what greater sacrifice is there than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”…he says

He offers friendship…and how are we to respond?

he says…”You shall love God with all your heart, mind and soul” and “you shall love your neighbor just as you love yourself.

I say that’s Pretty straightforward, devoid of trappings and pretensions…but too often we fall short of.

Who is your neighbor?

The face of his neighbor is all inclusive; the good, the bad and the ugly, the strangers, friends, sinners, saints in all of us.

What of the truth?

the truth has been spoken of in the old and captured in the passage that says ‘I am who you say that I am’ the same truth that took flesh and became man just as is written in the new…”and the word was made flesh”… ‘And dwelt among us’…and in another passage saying “the Father is in me as I am in the Father.” “I and the Father are one.”

What of life?

…if you want everlasting life, drink of the life giving water that I offer…he says

It is the life that was emptied for your sins, our sins, all of humanity’s sins.

Faithful or unbeliever…who knows? The man who died on the cross showed that life does not end on the cross…even on the cross, he made a convert out of a sinner. “From here on you will be with me in paradise.”

There is life after death…he calls it the resurrection. There is hope amid despair.

Let NO ONE then lay claim sole ownership of God’s kingdom…much less claim belongingness to the kingdom by virtue of one’s religious affiliation or association.

That is for God to judge…”but by their fruits you will know them”…

We are all called to witness…

Some do it like the Pharisees do…they love to put weight on others’ shoulders, love to pray on synagogues (modern day Pharisees and synagogues)…but fail to acknowledge the fallen in them and among them. Take heed then, for You, or We could be one of them.

We are not to make fun of others’ sins, or perhaps debase them all the more; neither do we just watch them fall and take pride in an elusive, often ephemeral holiness, we are too often delusional about…

something we do not own but is a work in progress we each try to master and the perfection of the same is something we depend on a God for grace.

Some use fear as a way of life, they speak of the end of the world when there’s no telling when it will take place or how it will have presented itself…rather than grow in the spirit and love and trust in a loving God anyway…

Some have grown calloused and insensitive as they create one church after another all speaking in the name of God. “Not all who say my God my God is of God” something we must remind ourselves and each other…we are quick to see others’ faults and yet remain blind just because the speck in our own eyes cloak the very sins we kept hidden in our hearts.

Some have chosen to stay in the ‘mountains’ our individual experiences of the transfiguration, because the view is magnificent from the top…forgetting that the desert and the market place are the human spirit’s battlefields. God meets us there too.

However we are, where ever we are, God meets us there.

Some witnessing is loud…

Some can be deafening and still…God meets us in silence too…

Silence…”when your Speech would hurt,
Politeness when your Neighbor’s curt.
It’s deafness when the Scandal flows,
And sympathy with Others’ woes.”

Tell me who your God is…

Mind speaks of humility and compassion

Mind offers the gifts of faith hope and love…the greatest he says is love.

Mind remains a friend despite the occasions of sins. “I have come to heal the sick” …”When all else fails only I remain.”

What room is there for a God to work; if we already claim perfection long before it is due?

‘But by their fruits you will know them.’

jdp_of pride_of prejudice_of love_a personal reflection_4810

There’s A Hidden Wound

This Heart That Burns For You

If Only You Knew

You’re The Missing Part

In My Yearning Heart

And I Will Stay Around

Until The Day You’re Found

May This My Whispered Song

Lead You To Come Back Home

Till We’re No Longer Far Apart

Then Will Your Laughter Fill My Heart’

Music: Manoling Francisco, SJ

Lyrics: Johnny Go, SJ

Arranger: Arnel DC Aquino, SJ

Performer: Jose Marie Chan